Checking for intentions. Telling your fake friends from your real ones.

I want us to discuss this topic.

How do YOU  tell a fake friend from a real one?

How do you define a fake friend?

How do you define a real friend?

Do you have your own experience you want to chat with me about?

(see contact form below or reply in the comment section or email your girl at onlynaturallove@icloud.com)

Can YOU tell when your friend(s) begin to act ‘funny’? Do you address their behavior or dismiss it?

I wanna chat today family |

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 let’s get it poppin in the comments or submit me your thoughts via email and if you want me to reply place your email within  the comment box! 🙂

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You can’t compete where you do not compare.

 

 

#STAYINYOURLANE

 

I think it’s really hard to not compare yourself to others  when social media makes it so easy make it feel like you are competing  with your peers, friends, etc.

https://twitter.com/LOVERAVENNN/status/915595003593990144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

 

 

JaeltheGreat said:

““Don’t compete with one another. Sharpen one another.”

 

I’m not your competition. I’m not your rival understand this. -Caitlin

I will believe being at the number 1 Historically Black College for the last 7 years in a row it makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough, you are not involved  in the extracurricular activities like you should be. It just feels like you need to be doing more all the time.

Much love to Eva,

Jael also said that, “Confidence will get you through anything in life.
You being confident in yourself allows you to move forward in your life.”

And that’s real I can see that in my own life as I watched one of very good friends,Erin get accepted into Senior Seminar Research program (which is really selective) and got inducted into Psi Chi (Psychology Honor Society) within the span of what felt like JUST 1 week. I have came to the conclusion that it was all possible because of her sacrifice, determination, will, a great support system,and HER MINDSET.

 

She was confident in her abilities. And I admire my good friend for this quality.She understands that for success to occur one must make sacrifices. But please understand it was not easy, but she did it, because she knew she could. I love her so much for that.

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I believe the following things are important for me to say:

  • I know it’s hard but we all must work hard for the things we want in our lives. Something that is of value doesn’t get obtained without effort and sacrifice.

 

  • You can never take a break from yourself. You cannot get away from yourself. So you might as well love yourself.

 

Also…..

You must work in your gift work through your purpose.

JaeltheGreat  also said, :

“You are perfect for your purpose.” Find your purpose. Ask your self what makes you happy? What waters your soul?

  • don’t ever dim your light for anyone. To those who cannot handle your light then oh well..
  • If people start hating on you just understand that is just apart of the process to you leveling up.

“Whole people heal people.” Broken people break others down.”

“Don’t focus on the negative. Only accept the words that have came to water you!”

 

Understand that in order for elevation to occur separation must occur first!

You are doing something right hunny when they start hating on you. Tell dem haters you said thank you ;).

I speak alto  on having to let go of friends and people of love so that I may  be able to elevate myself.

I recommend to read the following  posts to read:

  1. not diming your light just so someone else can shine
  2. letting the toxins within your life go.
  3. Bruised, not broken. 
  4. no more allowing people to take their plate and leaving.
  5. seasons change and so do your friends.

Think about it like think  this:

Imagine you having to run up 4 flights of stairs and you have all these bags you are carrying with you. The baggage you are carrying begins to impede on your success of running when you have reached the 2nd flight of stairs out of the 4.

You must let that baggage go.What ever weighs you down. What ever does not water your growth. Whatever that does not feed you. drop it.

Word to Ms.Eyrkah Badu… side note I’m putting it in the universe that you will receive this and receive this love ❤

Much love to:

https://twitter.com/livinlela/status/926087170439380994?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Like a house that is built with a bad and unstable foundation we must:

What ever makes you feel drained. What ever that makes you unstable. drop it. destroy it.

Like if you address an issue you have found to be problematic in ANY of your relationships and that person is unwilling to make a decision to change. Then you must make the decision to change. Cause you cannot change others, you can only change yourself.

 

God gave you your light.Walk in your light with purpose. Walk with your purpose. Live for yourself. Be yourself.

Make it a habitual then as you get use to it make it a intentional action to love yourself.

When you do this, things becomes easier with time.

When life hits you hard hit it back harder.

( I donot own the photo that is placed directly above or below this. The photo above belongs to @KaiDavisPoet)

2

 

Written 3 months ago:

Hi my loves!

I have been away just living my life and learning lessons.
I’m not going to lie being an adult is hard and I’m so over having to ‘adulting’ my self
I once read in a book I read  a few months ago that had said, :

“When shit gets hard, you try again. You get back up. When life’s a bitch, you be a better bitch.That’s what you do.”

I admit I struggle the most with this. Cause I feel anxious about the thought of uncertainty and before I even start my fight I become depressed and give up mentally.

Remember: You are human. You are imperfect. You will make mistakes.

I have faced a lot of hardships and struggles these past few months and at first, I thought I was unaffected and that my depression was not depressing me but what I have realized is that my mind will still work even while I am in dysfunction. I  often trick my self into thinking everything is, ‘fine’ and ‘okay’ even when I am really not.

I have been inspired this month by Poet  as she uncovered her new tattoos.  If my memory serves me correctly that I was in either 8 th grade at Skinner or my freshmen year at Whitney Young Magnet when I first began to listen to Kai Davis’ poems and spoken word pieces.

I have been away living my life and learning a lot about myself. One of the things I have learned:

  1. To be with frank with y’all I’m a boss ass bitch. I will admit on  a day like today I often forget. I be forgetting and my friends have to remind me from time to time that I am tweaking on myself hard.

If you do not  know who you are then you will fall for anything and anyone.

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Currently, I feel as though I’ m struggling academically not because the course work is rigorous but because its simply new and its so much material. Like I have to learn in such a short time frame and on top of that I actually have to act like I like all that I’m learning to be able to commit it to my memory. :/ And don’t even let me get started on how bad my memory is these days I been I have post-its, printed out schedules, reminders on my devices and a desk calendar to remember day to day shit. And I understand that it is apart of life and growing up but my ass being like I’m Mary Jane:faaaee75792b42d7f8203265b7af86b4

First of all no one told me sophomore year would be this hectic and crazy. I rarely go out anymore and you can most definitely find me in the library or in Psychology and or Science building at Spelman.

If someone wants to take me out to a lil spot around campus and have a good time laughing and preferably eating some food one of this upcoming weekends just let me know 🙂 cause school is actually killing me man!

If anyone and I mean anyone wants to give me motivation, tips , words of encouragement  etc, please don’t be scared to reach out to me on any of my social medial platforms!! Visit my contact page! 

This past week and weekend my school as well as Morehouse college had our #Spelhousehomecoming and that nearly killed me but Im still alive 🙂 I want to end this on a good note.

ZGrUSy

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Shout-out to my brother for 10+ years, Arshad you are the best photographer ever! Thank you for always willing to gas me up when I can’t or won’t. Love you for ever!!

Talk to y’all soon 🙂

Love

CaitlinIMG_0722

Untitled.

 

It took me too long to write this post.

The time it took to publish this: 2 months, 24 days,20 hours,  21 minutes and counting.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–Bear with me yall.

I’m finding life so funny.

  • Have you guys ever heard of the phrase:

“If you want to make God laugh you should just tell him your plans.”

I feel like these few past months that God has shown me what this phrase truly means. If any of you readers know me personally then you know I have to have shit planned. Like at times I can be a control freak where  I have to know when, where and how things are going down or I become anxious. So when  I was planning things, events, goals etc, out for my life and things I wanted to do in my sophomore year and the last few months of me being 20, God really laughed at my goofy ass.

I  re-learned the hard way that when I have placed something into God’s hands that it is now out of mine. 1 Peter 5:7

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I realized that, I never liked the phrase that , “things happen for a reason” and that, “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers”, you can ask a friend of mine named Mikal, he loved that saying and I hated it.

I hate it because I believe life is what you make and although we all will have and have had to face struggles that are usually inevitable due to our circumstances we may reside in. But personally speaking, a lot of struggles and hardships that I have endured are ones that I have brought on myself. And some struggles that I have had to face were not brought on myself but someone else. Sometimes dealing with bullshit is not avoidable. 

But personally speaking, a lot of struggles and hardships that I have endured are ones that I have brought on myself. I had to learn and still learning to let shit and people go.

Life ran its course and I was running with it.But I had failed to realize that life somewhere along the way began running me over. 

I am done with allowing sadness and depression run my life. I declare that my ‘hopeless mentality’ no longer has space nor time to be in my life.

IN SHORT

I learned a lot while I have bee adulting’ and traveling to Boston this summer for an internship. I learned a lot about myself and really the power I hold.

This summer really taught me that I really be sleeping on myself. And I have decided to stop. I want you guys to keep watch of some my projects that I will be releasing this year and the upcoming year.

THIS BAD BITCH IS BACK.

 

ttyl

Love,

Caitlin

 

Bruised, not broken.

May 15th, 2017

First off, I want to thank Caitlin for allowing me to collaborate with her and for her support in writing this piece, as well as, letting me publish it on onlynaturallove.wordpress.com. I’ve been reading her blog since I got to Howard University and personally, I admire her genuineness, strength, and positivity. Thank you Caitlin for letting me do this because I feel as though in writing this for myself, I might also touch someone else.   

A little back story: My ex boyfriend broke up with me (for lack of better words) because I was away at school and he knew he was going to fuck other bitches while I was away. I hadn’t been away at school for a month at this point.

Let me be clear, I was never naive enough to believe that we would last forever.

I will say that I never thought it would end as ugly as it did. With that being said, never in a million years did I think us breaking up would affect me the way that it has. I also wanna point out that though we officially broke up in September, there was a lot of back and forth and we didn’t stop speaking to each other until November. It is now May and a lot has changed since November. Up until about April, I would say that I was just very sad. I take mental health very serious and so I don’t want to say the word depressed because there are people who have actually been diagnosed with depression however, I was very down. I never considered suicide but, I definitely wanted to die. I felt broken, purposeless, and weak. I was so angry. At everyone. I not only felt betrayed by him but my family and friends as well. I usually cried myself to sleep every night and during the day I spent a lot of time alone, kind of just going through the motions: School, work, eat, sleep…repeat. To be honest, as I write this, I don’t know if I can truly say “I’m over it.” I do know that I see the growth in myself. Everyday gets a little bit better. I do not claim to know everything about break ups but I do believe in sharing what I dealt with so that maybe I can help someone else. Here is how I got through (am getting through) MY break up:

  • REFLECTING:: DO NOT HOP RIGHT INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. I’ll never forget my friend Rob telling me in high school that I always went from guy to guy. (No, I didn’t sleep with all of them LBS) He probably doesn’t even remember telling me this but he said, “You know it’s okay to be single. Be alone.” It didn’t hit me until after this breakup but I guess I really did have a problem with being by myself. I didn’t want to be alone and I’m sure I’m not the only girl who has ever felt like that. A few therapy sessions later, I have realized that it is okay to be by yourself. Did it help that not one guy at Howard tried to talk to me?? Well, yes because obviously, I had no choice but to be alone, lol. Even now though, with me smiling more (getting my groove back) and new guys expressing their interest in me, I’m okay with just being by myself for right now. I never really learned how to just be alone and be comfortable in myself to know that I, alone, am enough. Learn to be comfortable with just you before you get involved with someone else.
  • GETTING SERIOUS WITH GOD: I love my family and friends to death, I really do but, the only person who had my back 24 hours/7 day a week was God. I grew up in the church like most people I know but, I am no better than anybody else. I definitely don’t deserve His love yet God is always looking out. Simple as that. Towards the beginning, I was real life cursing God. I was legit so mad that any of this was happening to me. I didn’t understand why it had to happen the way it did and why that nigga wasn’t valuing me.

Wrong.

Only person I needed to be valued by is God and of course, myself.

When I would be sitting in my dorm, tears streaming down my face asking God to please let me die, telling him that I can’t get through any of this, He would send comfort. That probably sounds so dramatic but, I’m oh so serious. I can’t even explain how it just felt like God was rubbing my back or wiping my tears away and a sense of peace would just come over me. I got through my first year of college because of Him and Him alone. I still gotta work on being consistent with Him, however, I encourage everybody to seek Him every day. He was the light during my dark times. I could go on and on about how God has been through this with me but, in a nutshell, get ya relationship with Him together.

  • TRUST YOURSELF: I love my family and friends so much. I really do but, with the exception of my amazing roommate Tierra and my girl Kiana, absolutely nobody was there for me like you would’ve thought. I’m not saying my friends were bad friends or that my family is terrible. Not at all but, the truth of the matter is that everyone is dealing with their own shit and many of times, perhaps your people don’t understand what you’re going through. (My family and friends didn’t get it at all.) Shit, I didn’t even understand what I was going through. I just knew I was sad and very angry all the time. Learn to trust yourself. Your journey. I’m not saying you don’t need a support system because I believe that can be important but, I realized that in the end, the only way I was going to feel better is if I got myself together. I don’t know how many times I called Kiana crying, would feel better after talking to her and then cry all over again. It is a mindset. I can’t sit around thinking defeat and expect to get through something. Trust yourself, you can get through it.
  • TAKING BREAKS: I now take social media breaks. I call it going to Egypt after getting the idea from Alicia Keys who would take trips to Egypt and disconnect from the rest of the world. This is where she would get the most peace. I love my breaks. Just disconnect for a few days. Delete the apps (stop lurking, LOL) and just focus on what’s in front of you. I’m a Communications major and so I recognize the importance of social media and how it’s damn near impossible not to use. Trust me when I say though, taking breaks has helped me tremendously. When I’m off of social media, I’m off. I don’t worry about what’s going on with anybody but myself. It leaves more time to focus on you. Honestly, that’s how it needs to be sometimes. This kind of goes with my final piece of advice…
  • LET PEOPLE GO: I say this in reference to exes but also, friends/family. If it’s one thing I learned throughout this break up, it’s that you do not need everyone. Not meaning that you have to fall out with everybody but, I wanted to heal. I want to be better. I want to grow. I want my peace. If people aren’t trying to help you do that, drop em. It’s not always that simple but it can be. Someone I considered family really hurt me by going out to celebrate with my ex and his new girlfriend. Yall, I was so mad. Eventually, I had to look at the situation more maturely though. It doesn’t always need to be drama or bad blood. I have no ill feelings toward the girl anymore-I just let her go. She wasn’t going to help me get to where I needed to be and her doing that foul shit wasn’t either. Since then, I have done a lot of filtering and it has definitely helped. I have many more things to learn but, I do know that everyone that is in my life now, I have allowed to be in my life, I want them in my life and in their individual ways, they all have a positive impact on who I am trying to become.

I also wanted to share some books that I personally have read that helped me throughout this process:

  1. Who am I without you? 52 ways to Rebuild Self-Esteem After a Breakup by Christina G Hibbert,
  2. The Wait by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good,
  3. Bigger Than Me by Monyetta Shaw and Lost and Found by Sarah Jakes. (Excited to read her new book, Don’t Settle for Safe too!)

Thanks again for allowing me to do this Caitlin. If anyone would like to comment, has a question or would like to know more information, I can be reached at daynahp98@gmail.com.

Xoxo,

Dayn💘

letting the toxins within your life go.

Hi my lovelies as promised I am back.

What I am going to talk about today is not what I had intended to talk about with you all. I had an event come up and I didn’t want to miss a chance to talk with y’all while living in the moment.

Even though you will probably not read this because you are too focused on your anger that you have for me I want to say the following directly to you:

Good bye friend,

You taught me the valuable lesson to never allow anyone to play even though you TRIED to play me, in the end, our relationship.

Like I told you in my goodbye speech we really did have a good run and I appreciate you and our relationship we had a lot of good times. Thank you.

This a part 2 to “seasons change and so do your friends” post.

April 9th 2:15 AM

Less than an hour ago  I liberated myself away from someone who was dead weight towards my life and my progress of self-love.

It weird to say this but I knew me and this person were bound to no longer be friends.

  • I knew because for the past few months  I have been practicing on being present and living in the moment.
  • I knew when they wouldn’t support me like a friend should.
  • I knew when they wanted me to beg or even merely ask them for their support, that they were not my friend.
  • I knew I was over you when being around you began to feel like being in a prison.
  • I knew when I stopped vibin with you because something didnt feel right about you anymore, because YOU had changed.And my allergies began to flare up 😦FullSizeRender (4)
  • I knew when I made this here blog that was a dream a few months ago into a reality that there would be people that would not support me because they knew my potential and the extent to how successful I could be and think because they would not support me that I would decrease in my efforts to make my dreams into reality or even just give up on my dreams and myself.

 

But y’all…..

I love myself more than I love anyone else. The only person I love more than myself is God.

Now I know  some haters out there who just read the message above like, ‘she really think she is all-of-that?’ To answer your question yes, yes I do. Cause if I don’t love me then who will?

  • Don’t be upset with me because I love myself. Im trying to get you all to get at the stage and point that I am in my life. I know I am enough. I am content with myself. What other people say about me doesn’t affect me.
  • Don’t be upset because I will not allow your toxins to posion me and my mindset just so you can see me fail and we be back on the same level.

I have outgrown you. I am not regretful for letting you go. The only regret  I have is that I did not let you go sooner and quicker.

 

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People will be upset with you when you begin progressing in your life.While you are being serious about yourself and life and progressing; They are being stagnant.

 

I apologize to anyone who took my actions of me just trying to love MY self for ME as a threat to them and how I feel about them. I apologize because I feel sorry that you have the mindset that my life is supposed to revolve around anyone that is not God or myself.

Just because I become more in tune with myself and I disconnect with others at times and days so I can reconnect with myself that this action makes you become irate. Like just take a second and look at this and think about this. People in your life (that do not need to be in your life )

I know there are some people out there that still have seasonal friends even after the season has changed. I want you to listen to me. I wasted an extra month or so on my friend thinking things would change and they would become consistent and become a better friend. But,

THE GAG IS LOVE, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT PEOPLE WHO THEY ARE TODAY AND NOT WHAT AND WHO THEY HAVE POTENTIAL TO BECOME.

Never stay with a person  (in I mean the word stay in regards to being connected with people in relationships, friendships meaning they could be your friend(s), best friend(s), family member(s) too!) for their amount of potential they have because who is to say if that person will ever reach their true potential?   

In short …

YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE TODAY AND NOW.YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM NOR SHOULD YOU EXPECT THEM TO CHANGE FOR YOU.

Pain makes people change. Experiences make people change, not you.

You have to let people be and do themselves cause the only person you can change is yourself.

 

My true friends and my twin sister know me well enough to know that I love to communicate and I am a serious talker 🙂 In my life me being so open and sometimes too trusting when it comes to people. 😦 But it’s okay because I am learning and I will get better with knowing who to trust and not trust.This is an important lesson of:

This is an important lesson of:

 

I didn’t protect my privacy so it is evident in this message she sent me that she did not respect the confidentiality that I held with her when we would speak with one another and our issues we were facing.

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Focus on the important of this message when she says, ” I and other people”.

The other stuff when she is saying how she didn’t allow what other people said about me affect her… that is what a friend is supposed to do. Protect you. I will not thank her for doing what she is supposed to have been doing while in our friendship. That action gets no cookie from me.)

Be a real friend and protect my name even when I am not around and do not hear about people trashing my name.

That right there let me know that she had been communicating with others about an issue that she had with me but instead of being an adult she acted like a child and ran her mouth about things I can only imagine that I have told her in the seasons we have maintained our friendship in.

 

This is a process… every day I am learning… my ex-friend could not understand this and my journey.

Yes, I am finding myself and loving myself. And in this process, if I don’t desire a certain person around me I have ever right to, “shut people out”.

THIS IS MY PERSONAL SPACE AND I WILL BE SELECTIVE WITH WHOM I ALLOW IN IT.

The people that I out shut out did not deserve to see me grow and their presence was toxic to my growth, just like you.

It’s okay that she could not understand my journey because my journey is not for her but it is for me. My journey is for me to understand only.

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Yes, I preach about finding MYself and you should too about YOURself. I hope one day you dig deep and start loving yourself and then you can finally understand how I feel and why I had to end our friendship for the betterment of me.

She, unfortunately, made the assumption that because we were friends and that I once upon a time valued her input that she could disrespect me.WRONG

I have said this once and I will say it again.

I will not allow anyone to treat myself any lesser nor different than how I treat myself/want to be treated.

If you disrespect me than you are automatically dead to me. The most important thing besides honesty I build my relationships off of is respect. If we don’t have respect for one another than we have nothing at all.

And how my journey to self love and loving myself in my purest form is a process in which sometimes and days I will crawl.. some days I will walk … and some days I will run.

Regardless of the amount of success I encounter with my journey… I am still successful because I am not stagnant and I am progressing every day. So I am proud of myself!

It’s okay to feel a  level of uncertainty and uncomfortable you are human and young and have your whole entire life  to become a master it.

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I hope someone where in the world this post helps someone who is struggling to give up that friend or those friends that are stopping their growth.

Make the leap of faith and make that sacrifice to choose yourself over them. You are more important than them. But yourself first. You should be your first priority not them.

 

Good luck trying to find someone like me, cause the gag is.. you won’t. There nobody in this world that is like me and that is why I love me 🙂

I want to thank God for giving me the signs to finally end this toxic and draining relationship. I am forever grateful and I am already happy with this new change. It was much needed. Thank you.

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I’m sending love, prayer, patience, and some hugs

to any of y’all out there that need it.

 

Much Love

As always,

Caitlin.

the importance of getting back up after falling down 

FullSizeRender (10)Hi my lovelies!

As promised I'm back.

I want to start off by saying thank you to all the wonderful people I have in my life who have picked me up and continue to pick me up and hold me close when I fall. I pray for the people in my life and pray you don't change you for nobody cause there is somebody out there in this world that wants to be, you.

More than 100 people tuned in and read last last week's post about the experience I had with a one person.

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stop reading this blog post and click the link either two lines above this line or the line below this sentence.

read this juicy drama filled blog post

Ok, now let's carry on.

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I really do not have much to say about what occurred a few weeks ago. I do want to say that what happened really did hurt me and put me in a place of pain. (As many of you all already know)

Cause I would be lying if I said I didn't think about him, although it is very rare for me to think about him. It still happens. Even though I have blocked him on every social media platform I have  in order to end all communication with him. This doesn't mean I don't care about him still (unfortunately cause my heart is so big that even when someone has done me wrong I still care for them)

I add this thought in because for some reason people within our generation believe when they block people via their cell phones and on social media platforms like twitter and snapchat, that the person no longer exists.

Now, don't get me wrong I understand the if something or someone, in this case, is out of your sight, then that person is out of your mind.

However, there are people when they are trying to get over someone or forget someone thinks just this action ALONE can help them cope. No. That is not how life works you cannot block someone in real life. You have to work on encountering and even engaging with these people in real life.

(This my face and mood when ppl feel like this is their only way to cope/get over someone):

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No. That is not how life works you cannot block someone in real life. You have to work on working with these people in life, whether it be in school or in a professional setting…. I want to stress the importance I understanding the following:

That is not how life works you cannot block someone in real life. You have to work on existing in the same space as them even though they are no longer in your life. Yes, it is hard to do. But nothing we really want out of life that is valuable is actually easy to obtain.

I am being reflective of last week's blog because I was not reflective when I wrote the post. My goal was to be expressive and focus on my emotions and really nothing else. I wrote the post out, when I was angry, when I was hurt, and when I was in pain. When I published that blog post, I was just trying to wrap my head around all the events that had occurred to me in such a short span of time.

I want y'all to know that even when you liked someone, (just like I did),

I wore my heart on my sleeve for this person and even though my heart got hurt in the end that I don't regret wearing my heart on my sleeve because like I mentioned without pain we cannot grow.

And I personally believe that in life we should be focused on the growth of ourselves, not others.

I want to talk with you guys about self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is really the only thing besides God himself, that has allowed me to progress and prosper after the situation.

Personally, I am the type of person that is really hard on herself. So when a situation like this, that left me up with the choice to whether or not I should where my heart on my sleeve or not; (Clearly if you read last week's post then you know I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve.)

And I do not regret it. I actually lived. I actually did an action without being scared of the result.

I actually lived. I usually did an action without being afraid if it didn't work out or not. Although my anxiety was the bare minimum for this guy and I relationship, I still lived freely without worrying what would happen next with us.

I was living in the present. I was and still am practicing on being present.

I gave the person in the situation my all and I know now looking back I have no doubt nor worry that I did not try… cause I most definitely did.

Looking back at the situation I have now begun forgiving myself.  Instead of him first. I am putting myself first before anyone else.       In majority of my situations where forgiveness has to come into play, I am quick to forgive the person or persons who have offended or hurt me first before my own self. 

I forgive myself because all I wanted to be is be and all I wanted to do was love someone besides myself.

Just like Alex said,  "Home is where healing is, too. I was my own worst enemy, and no amount of outside forgiveness could settle that issue."

Alex Elle in her newest book,"Neon Soul" she says the following:img_78781.png

 my favorite line in this piece is the analogy created about us humans and flowers. And how "resilience is born even when we feel like we are dying."

and since I am being reflective of my experience after I had found out the disturbing information that shattered my trust that I had held with this young man….. I felt like I was dying…. (like for those who know me, know I am dramatic, but I am being completely literal here I literally felt like I was dying I became physically sick and even depressed)

the piece above ties in with the thought of what my father would always say to me:

" What does not kill us only makes us stronger"

I am thankful for the opportunity I was given to wear my heart on my sleeve.I am thankful for self-forgiveness. I am thankful for all my friends and family who have helped me get to the mental state at which I currently reside in. And last but not least I give thanks to God for being there and showing me when he closes one door that he will open three+ more.

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Sending much love,

Caitlin

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